i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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