i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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