I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
