4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
