You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
