census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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