Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
