i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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