At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
