but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
