my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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