she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
