i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
