i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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