Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
