i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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