is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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