real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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