She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
