shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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