Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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