First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
