Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
