I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
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