At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
