They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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