Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
