I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
