my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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