You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize