Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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