life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
