but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
zippers are such a cool invention
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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