guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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