Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
