All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
