How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
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me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
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your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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