In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
