i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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