So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize