You're my little dorito
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
