I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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