he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
