she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
