We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
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If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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