i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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