I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
