he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
