This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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