I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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