i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
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Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
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You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I know her cup size but not her name....
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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