Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
