the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
