i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
