he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize