My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My butt remains clenched, sir.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
