sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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